Book Review 

Title: Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates 

Genre: Non-Fiction, Social  

Rating: 3.5 Stars 

The premise and introduction of Men Who Hate Women was very interesting but at the same time repulsive because of the subject matter, but these are topics that need to be discussed more often. Bates introduces the idea that men’s and women’s issue are distinctly intertwined, and one can’t be discussed without the other, otherwise you are only getting half of the picture. She makes the point that women’s rights directly impact men’s and vice versa, but there is far more to it than just that. The opening chapter introduces us to the incel or involuntary celibate movement, many of you will be familiar with this through the internet or memes but i doubt many know the true reach of this community of men. 

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The incel movement is something everyone knows about yet knows nothing about. These men don’t go looking for these violent and abusive forums but rather they are searching for a community that feels the same way as them. For these incels, they are men that feel isolated, alone, frustrated and at time angry. Many stumble across these forums by accident yet feel some kinship with some of the men there and from here they are indoctrinated into a far more violent and extreme mindset. Many seem to believe that incels only exist online and can’t do any harm in the real world, but this isn’t the case since there have been several violent attacks and killings in the name of this community. This is one of a few male dominated communities that actively encourages rape and sexual assault so women can’t discuss those issues without addresses these ones from men.  

The next chapter begins to look at the pickup artist community which is essentially a dressed down version of the incel community with it promoting sexual violence against women and mostly ignoring consent altogether. This community is closer tied to the incel community, but most people don’t see that connection. This is because the PUA community disguised what they are under a layer of charm that is more socially acceptable than the hostility of the incel community. The PUA is responsible for just as many if not more, crimes than the incel community because they actively promote sexual assault and rape, claiming that men just need to keep pushing until women given in and ignore any protests they might hear because women do want sex. This is extremely damaging especially to young men and boys who come across these sites and PUA courses to increase their confidence around the opposite sex. The most damaging thing this community is responsible for, is the warped view of consent younger men have. Some younger men believe that rape is only committed by deranged men, which they aren’t in their eyes, or that protests during sex don’t count as rape even when this isn’t the case.  

Mainstream media is also to blame for the success of the PUA community and how they have been able to thrive unchecked for so long. Looking at shows like How I Met Your Mother, Barney is a classic example of a PUA and even actively cajoles and pressures women into sleeping with him even though they might have protested in the beginning. However, Barney is portrayed as a loveable rogue and his actions are rewritten off and him just being himself rather than being seen as a predator. These forms of media have a huge audience and can influence so many young men to the point where they want to be Barney and emulate his behaviour in the real world where it has long-lasting and often disastrous consequences. The PUA community has also managed to turn their ideology into a massive profitable industry making millions on the insecurities of young men and predatory nature of others. It does seem to be changing considering the success of the #MeToo movement, with some men fighting back against the misogyny of their community and changing their ways but change is slow and might be too late in coming when we probably won’t see a huge difference for years.  

The next chapter is focusing on the Men Going Their Own Way movement. The MGTOW movement on the surface doesn’t seem as destructive or harmful as the incel or PUA movements but it has managed to go under the radar for a long time while penetrating the mainstream media. These men believe in avoiding women altogether instead of pursuing them the same way incels or PUA do, but this is destructive to women in its own way. In the wake of the #MeToo movement, many men distanced themselves from women especially in the workplace. Some even flat out refusing to be alone, have meetings with or share elevators with single, attractive women out of fear for being targeted for allegations. However, for women, this meant being passed up for jobs which clearly violates the law and severely impacts women’s careers. Many MGTOW ideals have managed to penetrate the mainstream coming from people like Mike Pence, the Vice President at the time and yet many don’t know where these ideas come from.  

This leads into chapter 4, looking at Men’s Rights Activist or MRA which take things a step further. Unlike MGTOW, MRA aims to oppress women even to the determent of the men they claim to be representing. This movement is both representing real issues that men are facing in our modern world and yet are the biggest opponents to solutions. What is meant by this, is that men have a higher suicide rate, are more likely to victims of violent crime or end up in prison and yet when solutions to these issues were presented to MRA they claimed that the ideal masculine image wasn’t to blame, even though this toxic masculinity can be linked to most of the issues mentioned. The MRA movement also often goes unchallenged in the mainstream media for many networks to appear politically correct giving equal attention to the men’s and women’s rights activists even though they speak about many controversial points. The MRA is also responsible for several movements and attacks on laws and spaces that exist to protect women and while I agree that the same spaces and laws should exist for men, they shouldn’t come at the expense of women.  

Chapter 5 focuses on a group of people that almost everyone on the internet has encountered, trolls. This entire chapter was something I could relate to as will a lot of people reading this review. Much like incels, trolls are seen as fringe group that can do little to no harm in the real world, but this is false as trolls are able to damage the lives and careers who they target. In some cases, like that of female politicians they have been forced to withdraw from their careers and even been killed because of trolls and similar tactics have been used against female journalists. Little is often done about them because of the click culture we live in now, meaning that journalism and social media sites will allow trolls to run wild on their sites because it is driving more traffic and revenue to them. However, this means that many women are often left terrified or driven out altogether from these spaces leaving them without a voice. The tactics of trolls as well as other manosphere communities target the most vulnerable people, the people in most need of a voice and deny them this right or make them fear for the safety and the safety of their families when they choose to remain. Trolls are something that need to be addressed but many are more content in focusing on the minor issues rather than the larger ones that need addressing in our modern age.  

Chapter 6 addresses men that hurt women in a real and physical sense including those that use domestic or sexual violence against women. This is a short chapter, but its purpose is to show the connection between men who commit acts of terror and abusers. In many cases, including the London Bridge attack where a police officer was killed, these men often have histories of domestic and sexual abuse, with many also already being known to the authorities. However, little of this information is shared when news breaks on these attacks with the media often showing sympathy towards these men. This was the most heartbreaking chapter yet, to learn that these men have a history of abuse and violence that go on to commit even larger crimes and yet still get seen as the victims in the eyes of the media and the public while the true victims are not even discussed at all.  

The next chapter is a slight change, looking at men who exploit other men. This chapter focuses on men that use other men to achieve their goals. This applies to most of the groups we have looked at so far, but it is also one of the first to focus on men targeting other men rather than women. The main point of this chapter is to highlight that these aren’t individual extremist groups but rather a collective chain that works together. While incels occupy the more extreme end of the spectrum with PUA’s and MRA’s occupying the more socially acceptable end, they work together by filtering the ideas down through the chain to where they can be accepted by the masses without much in the way of backlash. The slow social acceptance of these watered-down ideals allows the more extreme groups to bring their ideology to public attention without showing their more gruesome side. This is something that everyone has encountered at some point in their lives without even realising it and that is what makes it terrifying.  

The next chapter focuses on men who are afraid of women. This chapter looks at the arguments against movements like #MeToo, claiming that this is a witch hunt against men or that the majority of allegations are made either for attention or because the woman doesn’t want to admit that she willing slept with the man involved. We know through statistics that these claims aren’t true with false allegations of rape or sexual assault being a minor amount of those reported but when doubt is sown among the masses, this ideology spreads like wildfire. It doesn’t just apply to sexual assault either, since many good, upstanding men are now coming to fear that women and minorities are overtaking previously male dominated industries like tech and engineering. They claim this is because of the female-biased society when it is due to these industries being more open to women and an increase in education encouraging women to pursue these careers. This chapter builds on the idea that these communities are connected from the previous chapter and highlights some examples of how these ideas have been portrayed in the mainstream media and the implications and consequences they have had for both men and women.  

The final two chapters look at men who don’t know they hate women and men who hate men who hate women, two radically different types of men that we might encounter every day. The final section of the book is the most impactful as it discusses how these communities infect the minds of the young and the measures, we can put in place to prevent this. It also discusses the companies responsible for allowing these groups to continue using their platform to spread their messages and profit it from it when it is clearly against the rules. Bates takes this even further calling out the police and justice systems for not doing their jobs when it comes to matters like threats, and allegations of rape and sexual assault. Overall, this book had some important concepts and brought light to some hidden communities that many won’t be aware, but it was dense and lacked a compelling narrative seen in some non-fiction like Amanda Montell’s books.  

Buy it here: 

Paperback/Hardcover: amazon.co.uk                    amazon.com  

Kindle Edition: amazon.co.uk                              amazon.com